Fully Human: Allow Your Inner “Darkness”

One of the most difficult things we deal with is our inner shadow, those parts of ourselves we find undesirable and repulsive, the parts we want to cast away.

These shadows often consist of thoughts and behaviors that are perceived as negative:

• Wanting to torment or hate someone (including ourselves)

• Sexual fantasies or attractions (e.g., a married person wanting to have sex with someone else)

• Immoral acts or thoughts (e.g., exploiting others or committing acts of betrayal)

• Violent thoughts or urges (e.g., wanting to slap someone for being "ugly")

Frankly, these dark parts of ourselves can be deeply disturbing. When we confront them, we may feel disgusted and overwhelmed. Naturally, we want to avoid any association with them. Acting on these thoughts—or even acknowledging them—can make us feel sinful, ashamed, or unworthy.

But here are some things we can explore further:

• What if these are just random thoughts? What if we’re simply human, and our brains are wired to produce countless ideas—sometimes irrational, impulsive, or strange—especially when our primal brain starts mixing information in unpredictable ways?

• What if these shadows are trying to tell us something about our inner world—our likes and dislikes, desires, boundaries, and emotional responses?

• What if, upon deeper reflection, some of these behaviors reveal what truly matters to us? What if they help us reclaim our identity and become the version of ourselves we aspire to be?

• What if our shadows are representations of who we are? When we reject them, are we also rejecting ourselves? What if, instead, we could make space for them, show them compassion, and use that compassion and insight to act for our greater good and the good of the world?

For example:

If we feel anger when someone hurts us, we may have violent thoughts in response. These thoughts can be deeply disturbing—but beneath them is pain and anger. If we allow these shadows to exist and listen closely, perhaps they're expressing our instinctive reaction to being hurt.

By going deeper, we might find that the shadow is trying to help us reclaim our sense of self, boundaries, and dignity. It shows us the pain we carry and our desire for respect and justice. We can learn to express our hurt and anger in ways that are empowering—not destructive.

Perhaps embracing our shadows allows us to reclaim our strength, confidence, and sense of worth, reminding us of our full humanity.

Want to learn how to allow and tune into your shadows?

1. Recognize your shadows.

2. Make space for them.

3. Acknowledge the judgments, uncomfortable emotions, sensations, and thoughts that arise.

4. Use a grounding script:
   "These are thoughts in my inner world. They are here, and they might be telling me something that matters. As thoughts, they can exist, there is nothing wrong with them existing."

5. Listen to what they’re telling you—about your desires, triggers, boundaries, wants, and values.

6. Breathe.
   Acknowledge these parts without judgment. Give yourself and them the space and compassion to exist.

7. Evaluate your choices slowly and wisely.
   Take your time—there’s no need to rush unless an urgent decision is required. Even then, pause and assess.

8. Take progressive action to move your life forward.

Disclaimer: I do not condone criminal acts (example: abuse, unlawful violence, or harassment). This article is intended as a reflective tool to help individuals explore their psychological experiences, personalities, boundaries, values, and behaviors in a flexible and compassionate way and for them to find ways toward leading a more empowered, and fulfilling life that is not unlawful.